The November Diaries: Final Day (and coping with a “breakup”)

Hello friends,

It’s Wednesday, December 1, 2021, as I begin this post. Had an emotionally tough and jam-packed past couple days, which is why I wasn’t able to properly conclude The November Diaries!

Beginning this post, I’m seated in United Airlines Gate G6 at SFO. I’m headed to New York for a 5-day trip! Gonna visit family and friends and have a nice little reprieve from everything that’s happening in the Bay. I’m happy to say that I was able to finish my final paper for grad school, so I don’t have to worry about it on my NY trip. I scrambled to create all the study guides I need for my final exam, which is on December 10. Told myself I wouldn’t study (too much) while on vacation, so the only times I’ll pop out those study guides are on the plane rides to and from New York. And maybe when I’m bored on the New York subway.

Okay, so I’ll cut to the heart of why I’ve been having a rough time at home. Two days ago on Monday, I had a “breakup” with a wonderful guy I had been seeing for nearly 4 months. I use quotation marks because we were never officially a couple. Label or no label, I still cared deeply for him and was disappointed it didn’t work out. We were simply on different pages in terms of what we both were seeking out of the relationship. I wanted something more serious, and he didn’t, at this moment. Timing was off, and that stings. But such is life. We parted ways amicably, and I honestly have no ill-will towards him in the slightest. He’s just an amazing guy, through-and-through, with the kindest heart. Truly the salt of the earth. We shared so many laughs and adventures, and he pushed me out of my comfort zone by introducing me to many new hobbies and interests. I will forever treasure the memories we made together. *cue watery eyes

We still want to be friends and hope to meet up sometime at the end of the month, after we both return from our respective holiday travels. I’ve been doing a lot of journaling and reflecting surrounding the relationship/breakup, and it’s been helping a lot. I think getting away from the Bay will be a chance for me to reset, stay occupied, and meet new people. I have a rule of no dating for at least 3 months post-breakup to prevent the possibility of a rebound relationship. 3 months is the minimum time for me to honor my past relationship and partner, reflect and draw lessons/takeaways, and breathe in a big dose of personal growth, so that I’ll be more ready for the next relationship.

As this is only my second breakup ever, I don’t have much experience to draw from in terms of coping. But like I mentioned, journaling has been helping a lot. Staying busy— and busy I have been, past couple days– is a welcomed distraction. Meditation grounds me in the present when my emotions get too intense; coming back to my breath and noticing my thoughts/emotions without getting too deeply attached to them, is calming. Self-compassion is also key during rough patches, and it is comforting to know that the pain will subside and wounds will heal, with time. Time truly is the best medicine there is. I tell myself to take it one day at a time and congratulate myself for coping healthily (meaning, not turning to drugs/alcohol/rebounds as a means of escape).

I’ll conclude this topic with the words of two: a dance student, and David Bowie.

My dance student: “The most beautiful thing in life, is love. For me, every second of love is worth it, even if it doesn’t work out in the end.”

David Bowie: “The greatest thing you’ll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return.” ~lyrics to “Nature Boy”


This takes me to 5:32am, and I board the plane in 10 minutes, so gonna conclude this blog here. November was a busy month that met a bittersweet end. No regrets, and only gonna move forward.

Will keep a daily account of my New York trip! Excited to write to you from aesthetic coffee shops in the city.

Talk soon,

Bel

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